Day 2: Throwback Thursday

Thursday, Sept 12

Well, I’ve survived two days now without my blankie (you know, my security blanket: ie makeup). And no, I haven’t taken down every mirror in the house. Yet. There are moments of feeling liberated, followed by moments of feeling mortified and depressed.

The good news: Nobody cares if I’m wearing makeup or not (including my wonderful husband who keeps asking me if I’m actually wearing it or not, and is surprised when I say that no, I haven’t put anything on at all). The bad news: I still feel like I don’t look like myself yet. As in, all I see in the mirror are the droopy circles under my smallish, squinty-ish eyes.

My skin does feel a little fresher, you know, without being smothered in foundation. And my morning routine is quick and easy (which I might get very used to!), since I just wash my face, put some generic cream on, and go. My skin feels a little oily since I’m using a cream and not the department store lotion I used to apply, which was so light it had to be followed by the cringeingly expensive “serum” that promised to even out my skin tone (ie get rid of the brown spots or red spots or blotchiness or unevenness, I suppose).

And since I dropped the kids off at school at the curb this morning, I didn’t have to face any other moms and feel obligated to give excuses for my unkempt appearance, meaning I didn’t have to apologize to anyone for not wearing makeup, even though I realize that no one actually cares if I do or not. And I know I don’t need to apologize, but it’s hard to fight back that compulsion.

I did get a knock-knock at the door from the local missionaries, and I did not make excuses to them for my naked face, for looking “ugly”, and not just because they are pimple-faced teenagers who aren’t allowed to think I’m beautiful makeup or no makeup. And even though I don’t care what they think of my face, I still sort of do. I know, that sounds ridiculous, but for some deep, psychological reason, I care (too much) about what other people think of me. And not just what they think of me as a person, but what they think of me in the superficial sense.

Basically, I’m okay with not wearing makeup until I a) look in the mirror and still don’t see “me”, and b) am face-to-face with someone who I inherently want to not only accept my physical appearance but like my physical appearance.

Come on, I know I’m more than just a “pretty face”, if you will, but what’s wrong with wanting to be a “pretty face”? 

And so, in honor of good old “Throwback Thursday”, otherwise known as #tbt, I’m sharing a goofy pic of myself from 7^th grade (the epitome of self-consciousness in my humble opinion). Here I am, fresh faced (aka no makeup and really no need for it yet), braces (made even more blatant and glaringly obvious with their black rubberbands, though you know I chose black because it matches everything, duh), and weird bangs parted in the middle.

This was a very transitional look, going from little elementary schooler to big bad Jr. High (since my old school district had only 7^th and 8^th graders in middle school), and from little girl to developing tweenie-bopper (and yes, that was a term I hated when my mom used it back then, but now that I’m a mom, I suppose it’s fair game for me to say…I read somewhere that in your 30s is when you first start feeling like your parents).

This is pretty much how I still feel I look! And it’s painful to consider that nearly 20 years later, I could feel even more self-conscious than my goofy old brace-faced, awkward-bangs, non-plucked eyebrows face. Which leads me to also consider this: as I journey through a month of no makeup, does that mean I should also stop tweezing?

Day 30: Almost the end…

April 30

And then it was almost the end of the crowdfunding campaign. 30 days goes FAST!!! It doesn’t appear that I will meet my goal in time for the writing seminar this weekend, and/or that there is even a spot for me in the class (cue the sad violin music).

Sure, I could extend the deadline, try to raise more so that maybe I can make it to the next seminar in the Fall, but honestly, I’m not going to do that – extend my deadline. Crowdfunding is only fun when people donate, it’s kind of lame and depressing when you don’t reach your goal and you question yourself, your worth, your tactics, your dedication…all of it:

Did I not try hard enough?

Am I not good enough?

Was my idea boring?

Am I presenting it poorly?

Should I have been more annoying and posted about it every day???

Should I have paid for those ads to promote it for me??? (I know, seems counter-productive, right???)

Why why why why why why why??????

(I feel like to be successful crowdfunding would have been my full time job all month, but that’s not possible! I have a full time job, and I volunteer at my kids school, and I write! I’ve stopped doing laundry or cooking or cleaning in order to keep up with all that! Did I take on TOO MUCH??? Ah! More self-doubt!!!!)

Well, those are all notes I can keep in mind for the next time around if I am still too broke to pay my own way to a writers’ workshop…which I realllly hope doesn’t happen because honestly I HATE asking for money, it’s awkward. I would probably be a terrible rich person I’d just give all my money away to things like this and people I run into who are struggling. Actually, that would make a TERRIFIC rich person, I just likely wouldn’t be rich for very long!

I have 8 funders, $140 which is 19% of my goal (THANK YOU IndieGogo for doing the math for me on that one!) And thank you to the 8 peeps who helped me to reach my goal, even if I miss my mark it helps to know I have a little support out there! Will I make up the difference in these last two days??? Only time (as in 2 days) will tell…

Day 24: Only ONE SPOT LEFT!!!

April 24

Oh NOOOOO!!!!! I have ONE MORE WEEK to raise my funds, but there’s ONLY ONE SPOT LEFT!

Will I make it??? Gosh I hope so! I’m trying to keep my sunshiney optimism but it’s looking more and more like this whole crowdfunding for writing thing is NOT going to be a success this time around…awwww poop!!!!

I’m not giving up, just feeling the pressure that I HAVE to find a way to make this work!!!!!

What MORE can I do???

-Blog!

-Promote on Facebook and Twitter!

-Have a garage sale?

Day 22: And then I became a year older…

April 22

My birthday has now come and gone. And I didn’t spend nearly enough time writing about it because I was too busy sitting in my own pit of self-misery about (gulp) adding another year to my number plate. Yea, I know, 33 ain’t all that bad. It’s not thaaaat old. But something about my yearly celebration of being pushed out of my mom’s vagina in our cozy Vancouver, BC town-home in 1982 triggers some serious self-reflection, and with serious self-reflection comes well, serious moods.

My son (age 9) offered to make me a special bday breakfast to wake up to on Saturday. As is the case with most 9 year olds, he forgot. My “special” day started out with the squabbling of my 9 year old and 7 year old, and my not-so-gentle reminder that “All I want for my birthday is for you two to STOP FIGHTING!“, followed by their responses, “Oh yea, happy birthday Mom!” and hugs, for which I was already too grumpy to enjoy or appreciate fully.

I know part of my problem is that I’m “too nice”. Maybe I need to start ordering people around and telling them to make me coffee, clean the kitchen, hand me a book to read (that’s NOT a kids books!) and then LEAVE ME ALONE to sulk. Except that what I really wanted was attention. I wanted them to make a big deal about me, but I didn’t want to ask them to because I didn’t want them to make a big deal just because I asked them to. I wanted them to want to. Ugh, and this my friends is where the perpetual disappoint festers.

You don’t tell people what you want -> They don’t know what you want -> You don’t get what you want -> They don’t know why you are disappointed -> You blame yourself for your unrealistic expectations -> They move along with their lives and will likely not ever be able to “read your mind” and know what you want…

Sound familiar?

Example:

I ask for a mint-chocolate chip ice cream cake with chocolate cake. What do I get? (Oh Gawd, I know I sound like a brat typing this!) A HUGE sheet cake of “dulce de leche” cake…hmmm….sounds good (even if it’s NOT what I asked for NOR did it have ANY ice cream)…right? Oh sure, if you are NOT me, you might actually LIKE white cake SOAKED in MILK?!?! With a custard filling?!?! And strawberries on top (sounds good) with that weird jelly stuff coated on them (not so good)?!?! Let’s be real here: I have a weird aversion to certain textures. This has included jelly and ketchup since childhood. Now it will also include soggy milk-soaked cakes, custard filling, and strawberry goo (sigh). I’m a jerk. But I smiled and ate the cake like a good girl (as many bites as I could stomach) because I know the notion came from a good place, and they were all very proud of their AMAZING cake they chose for me. So yes, like I said (typed) I’m a jerk for not liking the cake and being disappointed that I didn’t get what I wanted on my ONE special day of the WHOLE YEAR…but I also didn’t tell them “No, this is not what I asked for, and the thought of eating it grosses me out beyond your capability to comprehend.”

And my funkiness prevented me from blogging and promoting the crap out of my crowdfunding for writing efforts (only 9 days left!!! AND the only thing I really really DO WANT for my bday) and even though I made it to the LA Times Festival of Books, I really only got there for the final hour of the thing when everyone was packing up and yes, the books were all getting marked down to 50% off (I love a good deal!) but no books were calling to me (it was all the leftovers anyways) and literally the only picture I took while I was there was of a breastfeeding booth (yes, this is my life with kids and being a breastfeeding advocate even after I no longer am breastfeeding any kids of my own!). But…I am grateful I got to be there at all! Even if only for an hour…even if it took longer to drive there than the actual amount of time I got to spend there.

Pink’s hot dogs served me a burger (because, well, hot dogs are gross and so I ordered a burger even though I felt that was kind of lame to go to a famous hot dog stand and order a turkey burger). The crazy line at Pink’s made us 30 minutes late for the book reading we were heading to so I had to walk in to the tiny bookstore with the nearly-impossible-to-open doors, and feel the awkward rudeness of showing up mid-reading. I couldn’t think of any brilliant questions to ask the author when it came time for discussion (I usually love asking questions). And though I was first to hug the author (is that OKAY? Maybe I need to work on my book-signing etiquette, but hey, I’m a hugger!) and get my book signed (which I bought earlier in the week and then regretted it because if I had bought it at the bookstore I could have gotten a free finger puppet! Damnit, I love free stuff) and I was impressed that the ever-fabulous author (and a former writing professor of mine from UCR) remembered how to spell my weird frenchie name (A-I-M-E-E, no accent on the first E because I’m not french and have never put the accent there) but then accidentally gave me two A’s in her excitement as she signed and I blabbed on about who only knows what in my nervous jitters. I kind of love that it’s goofy because it reminds me that yes,I am not the only one who struggles to perform under the pressure of watching eyes. I just KNOW that someday (when I’m a big famous author) that I will flub names and then draw a giant pen heart to cover up the flub and then it looks like a giant black heart and keeps growing and keeps getting uglier and everyone will be standing there waiting, kids crying, pulling on their mommy’s skirts to go home already, and I’ll be drawing stupid black hearts to cover up my flubs.

So, happy sappy sorry birthday to ME! Another year older, and that much closer to something…death? Publishing? Cancer? Another broken wrist? Toe?

*Oh yea, forgot to mention I didn’t even get to blow out my own bday candles…there were only 2 and both my daughters took care of those before they were even done singing happy birthday to me. Whatever. Why do I even care??? It’s not like I believe in stupid things like making a wish on your birthday and then blowing out the candles and then not telling anyone what you wished for or it won’t come true…Okay, I still do.

Day 17: Birthday card crowdfunding

April 17

Today is my last day of being 32. I guess I’m okay with that. I mean, what other choice do I have? 33 is still okay. As a matter of fact, I think 33 will be my golden year. I mean, I already got the shoes, the rest is just awaiting the Midas touch.

I’m stepping outside of my comfort zones, my little safety bubble. When you’re uncomfortable, it means you are growing (which is true for both jeans and for the more metaphorical personal growth one experiences with age).

I really feel so very awkward to meet new people but I FINALLY got myself to a local fiction writers meet-up, it was at Starbucks so I mean how could I say no when at least I would get to drink coffee. Of course it was awkward , and yet it was great too. Since there were several others who were there for their “first time” too, it was nice to not be the only new face!

I also launched this IndieGogo crowdfunding for writing campaign. And that’s weird for me too! I don’t really like to ask for help. But sometimes it’s a matter of knowing what you want and going for it even when it feels impossible or when the timing is (financially) just not right, but the will and the creativity and time are all aligning…what would YOU do?

Will I stop writing my novel if I don’t make it? Hell no! I’ll get this thing done, but I feel like this could be really helpful for me to get back into editing gear and really figure out the rest of my plot and strategy for these characters who are speaking to me. They have more to say, I just need to tease it out of them.

Day 15: Halfway to either success or failure…

April 15

Success or failure: why does it have to be one or the other? Why do I have to either succeed OR fail? Can’t I still succeed even if my crowdfunding fails? Or is crowdfunding a failure if you don’t reach your goal? Or is the fact that ANYONE, even if only just one measly (sorry, no offense) person donated, is THAT enough to say “FUCK YEA, I ROCK, SOMEONE BELIEVES IN ME!!!!”????!!!! 

Everyone should get a pair of gold shoes, they make you feel like YOU’RE FUCKING AMAZING!!!!

Well it’s Day 15, I’m still at 105 buckaroos and I need (yucky math) 600 and some odd dollars to reach my goal…so I feel both happy and fucking miserable. (Head in hands) “Count your blessings” I say to myself in the mirror, even though I look at my face and don’t recognize it.

“Do you ever feel like you look at yourself in the mirror and instead of seeing yourself as you are now, you see yourself as you will look in another 10 years?” I posed this question to a person very close to me who reacted as if he has never even looked at himself in the mirror period, and I admit I felt very narcissistic and vain in admitting my thoughts, and then very weird in the fact that after further explanation this discussion ended unsatisfactorily (oh shit, is that a word? Well autocorrect didn’t call it out, so I’m going with it!).

Oh Hell! Yep that’s me! (Look away children, you can’t un-see this! And yes it will happen to you too someday, eeks!)

I feel like maybe that imagined mirror image of myself (yes, I had to explain that it was the way I imagined I would look in 10 years, because no I don’t have some special power or magic mirror that shows my actual older self, wouldn’t that be cruel? Very [what’s his name] Dorian Gray-ish, no?) is some kind of sign of my insanity. I mean, really, apparently no one else has these kinds of horrifying visions.

Eeks!

So next question is this: am I the good crazy or the bad crazy? But yet again, does it have to be one OR the other??? Can’t I be a little of both? (Characters are supposed to be a little of both, right? Likable and hatable? [wow, why do those words look SO wrong?!? “likable and hatable” that CANNOT be right, right???] Well is that okay for a real person too???)

As it stands, at least I have (almost) enough donations to be able to submit an essay to the cray-cray writing contest that’s giving away a freakin’ Bed-and-Breakfast mansion house in Maine?!?! Or I could submit my poems and short stories to a few contests, or maybe even (dun dun dunnnnnnn) a chapbook contest??? Wow! So many possibilities! I could also save it and keep stashing bits of cash aside so that in the Fall I can attend the next Fiction Writing Seminar with Tod Goldberg, where we will both probably look 10 years older after a long hot summer in So Cal…in Palm Desert no less! Can you say triple digits?!?!

And my birthday is in 3 days, so there’s that. I will be a year older, technically speaking. Come on, help me make 33 the best year yet (It’s like number alliteration, whaaat???)! I have SO much creative energy just waiting to explode all over your face! (Okay, sorry, that was too much and could be misinterpreted in many various ways.) I’ll just pass you a hankie (you know “handkerchief” which is suuuuuch a weird word to type out or even say aloud because, well, who uses those anymore???) to wipe my creative juices off your brow. Ew. Okay, this just keeps getting weirder so I’m just gonna stop there and ask you to disregard this last paragraph as I tend to really lose it near the end of my blog posts (blushing and staring in the mirror to make sure nothing has actually exploded all over my face).

Day 13: “Yikes! Bikes!”

April 13

Sure, this may be my biological father’s birthday today, but that actually is not why I’m celebrating (spoiler alert: I never celebrate his bday, even though he is turning, eeks, I don’t even know, 70??). Okay, maybe not a spoiler, but still, worth mentioning. I am celebrating because my crowdfunding for writing efforts are finally passing $100 today! That means, mathematically speaking, I am 14% of the way to my goal of raising $725 to go see the fiction crime writer Tod Goldberg spew genius advice out of his pursed little lips, hopefully I won’t be in the “splash zone”. But it’s a risk I’m willing to take!

Okay, so what’s with the dumb quote, “Yikes! Bikes!”???

OMGEEEE, if you don’t know, then I’m not going to tell you! Okay, I will. It’s from Drew Barrymore’s cute movie “Never Been Kissed” which is (like, omgee) only one of the best Drew Barrymore rom-com’s EVER made (second only to “Wedding Singer”, amiright???)!

Why does this carry so much weight for me? Well, because I like it. It rhymes. And it’s funny (in that awkward, elementary school humor sort of way). Because for some reason, I feel inclined to rhyme even when it makes little to NO sense to do so. And so, this is like right there in my heart. She’s my girl. Even though sure, Josie Grossie is fictional, she’s ME!

“WORDS ARE MY LIFE!”

And that my friends is why I need your help! I know I can write the SHIT out of this book. I can edit the CRAP out of it. I can make it SPARKLE!* But…I could really really use a little help with my fine tuning. It’s been a few years since I graduated college and I feel like I can really use a refresher to kick me in the pants and push me off that cliff to take the next bold steps in my writing and really get out there! Out into the writing world, and dare I say…get published???

I need help! I need a community of writers, a writerly family, who can help me when I need advice. Someone who’s been through it and can tell me what has worked for them and then I can maybe make something work for me! But yea, my book is like Josie Grossie, she’s never gonna get kissed if I don’t let her shine for the world to see. And that’s why I need Tod Goldberg. So he can make my novel shiny, all the while still helping me tell the story my characters are bugging me to tell for them. It’s like they are trapped inside my body wielding tiny little swords and pricking me whenever I’m not writing because they want me to tell their stories! And then sometimes they fight with each other over who’s story gets to come out first, and I’m like “calm down peeps, one at a time, you will all get a turn” only I’m lying because they won’t all get a turn, only the best, the really persistent and really strange ones. Yes, those are the good ones.

Uh oh, I’ve said too much. Now I must go and work (and by that I mean go on Facebook).

*Ugh, flashbacks of working at a “small town” grocery store where the corporate dudes would come in and walk the sales floor and tell us how the displays needed more “pop” and “wow”! Yea, make that happen with corn chips and a chalkboard and YOU can be the next Regional Manager telling other yahoos how to do what they do, only better! But yea, basically what I need is a yahoo to help tell me in more descriptive jargon how to make my story have more “pop” and “wow”, and in my own words “sparkle and shine” (which CAN be a thing, even with violence and sex and magical fairytale happenings, oh yes).

Day 10: Crowdfunding highs and lows (mostly lows)…

April 10

Well if my upcoming birthday isn’t depressing enough (really, I used to get excited for this, not so much anymore), now my crowdfunding efforts to support my attendance at the May 2-3 fiction writing seminar is not catching much action. I am so grateful for my 3 funders, and yet I feel deflated that not more peeps are supporting me. Should I be surprised? I guess not. Am I allowed to be a tiny bit bummed? Okay, a little.

Honestly, I hate pitching myself (but give me a fictional character and I’ll talk your freakin’ ear off, seriously, I won’t shut up and your ear will fall off, but it will be artistic and inspiring as it happens). I don’t want to be a salesperson, I don’t want to have to promote myself and tell people I’m worth it, that’s just not me. But, it is my job to continue to develop as a writer and if I don’t promote myself who will?

So I’m going for it, but it’s (omgee, omgeee) scary. I kind of love-hate it. It’s like asking out a boy at school, you know what I’m talking about…the handwritten note folded up and passed from friend to friend all the way over to the kid across the room who you don’t know if he’s been making eyes at you or the girl behind you and you’re risking it all on this one small effort, this one attempt to be confident and bold and daring!!!!

And then he opens it, the handwritten note that says “I like you. Do you like me back? Circle yes or no.”

And he looks around. Notices you noticing him. Everyone is waiting to find out what he’s going to do. He doesn’t do anything. He just crumples it up and throws it in the trash can in the corner. It bounces off and the teacher goes and picks it up. Un-crumples it. Reads it (gulp) aloud in front of the class.

“Well?” she asks. We look at her, not sure what to do. None of us.

“It’s very rude to leave a question unanswered” she says.

“It was her!” that bitch points at me, you know the one I’m talking about. The girl who always tattles on everybody. Yea, the one with the curly hair and strappy shoes. You know her.

And so, there I go marching up to the front of the class to write on the board that I am a loser (not in so many words, but I was used to getting busted for passing notes so I already knew what I had to write)…”I will not pass notes”.

“Oh no, you’re not getting away that easy this time,” she says, yanking the chalk from my hand.

The class follows up with their typical, “Oooohhhhh.”

“You are going to write a fifty page report examining how your distractions adversely affect other students in this classroom.”

And there you have it. How I began my writing career.

And that is also how random blog posts are born. (Shh, don’t tell the kids!)

Want to help me get high again? (Oh stop, you know what I mean!!! LOOK at the blog post title!) Check out my crowdfunding page for Novel Writing Seminar with Tod Goldberg and chip in, if you feel so inclined (see, I’m terrible at this whole self-promotion, sales stuff…also why I will never receive all the reimbursements from the kids soccer team for the banner I ordered, I just hate asking people for money).

Day 7: What’s in a name?

April 7, 2015

Why name my main character Annie?

Maybe I just picked it out of a hat? Oh no! There are soooo many reasons I felt inspired to name her Annie! Where do I start?

• My first dog was named Annie. Actually her full name was “Rough-house Annie Grant”. She was a golden retriever and my (wiping tear from eye) best friend growing up. When I switched high schools middle of Sophomore year, Annie was the only one who I could talk to. Great listener, terrible retriever (never brought a ball

  

  Nothing like a kid with her dog. Or a kid in a chicken coup taking a picture of her dog trying to get into the coup.

  back and chased parked cars). Annie died in 1999, we had to put her down right before a high school football game I went to and then proceeded to cry through the duration of (which I guess isn’t all that different from the other football games I attended, lol, and yikes, I’m pathetic!).

• Our old next-door neighbor was a bit hard of hearing (or just liked being a jerk) (or both) and always called me “Annie” despite my name being “Aimee”. We lived there for about 7 years and he was my real-life “Wilson” (like from Home Improvement), not for the sage wisdom he offered me, but for the creepy way he was always popping up over the fence when I was in the backyard. For an old dude he sure was a climber (and creeper).

• I worked with a gal (oh shut up, yes I say gal, does that make me an old lady trapped in a 30-something body? perhaps…) named Annie, she was awesome! Super tall, blonde, hard-worker, mom. I never knew her well, but she was a great “work friend” and someone I looked up to as a newbie in the grocery store business. I’ve always liked nice people, and she was no exception.

• Okay, okay. I knooooowwwwww. Annie sounds a lot like “Aimee” but the book is NOT about me. It’s about Annie! And for some reason the name just fit! It feels like a fun name, an innocent name, maybe even a bit like a tom-boy.

• Her middle name is Sue. And it sounds just perfect to me: Annie Sue! Reminds me of an old childhood friend Emily Sue. And my great aunt Sue. And the more you say it or type it, the weirder it sounds and looks: Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue. See? Weird, right? I like weird. And so, I like Sue.

• Oh yea, and there’s this other gal (oh gawddd, again with the “gal”???), a somewhat famous orphan named Annie, but you probably don’t know who I’m talking about…maybe it will come to you tomorrow (wink wink, good luck getting that out of your head for the rest of the day). I basically know all of those songs by heart and swear that one of the orphans in the 1982 film looks EXACTLY like my sister when we were kids! But that is totally aside from the point, and (literally) did not play any significant role in the naming of my protagonist.

So you don’t like the name Annie??? Tell me what her name should be! Or, for those of you who REALLY don’t like it, donate $100 for my IndieGogo campaign and I’ll name her or another character after YOU! (or the name of your choosing!)

Don’t like my writing? Maybe that’s even more of a reason to fund me to go to this Fiction Writer’s Seminar, where I can learn another thing or two about how to be a better writer! I’m persistent as Hell, so don’t think you’ll get rid of me if you DON’T donate. I’m not out of ideas and I will only get more annoying with my desperation mwah ha ha ha (maniacal laughter, but it’s kind of cheesy maniacal laughter because I’m not really THAT evil, just evil enough to kill characters and crazy enough to want to be a writer!).

 

Day 6: Counting the days and the ways…

April 6, 2015

Less than a week in and 10% of the way to my crowd-funding goal to fund my attendance at the upcoming 2-day Fiction Writing Seminar with Tod Goldberg in Palm Desert, Ca.

So far I have three amazing supporters who are backing me and REALLY want to see me make it to this fantastic opportunity to work on my first novel and get the feedback I need to make it a “real” novel. Yes, someday I would like for my crazy ramblings to actually grow up and move out and get their own place in the real world (whether it’s finding a home on an actual real-life bookshelf in a real book store, or online, or through means of psychic communications and telepathy, in which case I miiiiight need to do some additional research and meditation to accomplish, but I’m willing to try!).

I even posted an update to the IndieGogo page with a small blurb from my novel-in-progress to give you a sneak peek into the world of Annie, a twenty-something gal looking to get ahead in the competitive field of grocery store management for a fun-loving hawaiian-shirt-wearing small-town store which she “loves”.

So why does Annie “love” her work? Let’s count the ways (in old school poetic fashion):

1. To be paid or not to be paid, that is the question Annie faces and she chooses a paycheck over not receiving a paycheck (unlike her brother, Topher).
2. Oh to go to college, but alas that costs money, and working pays money whilst attending college costs (insert ridiculous guess here, and then triple that!).
3. ‘Tis easier to allow other people to make decisions for you and blame them for the consequences of an unhappy life, than to make your own decisions and only have yourself to blame for failure.
4. Wearing ugly hawaiian shirts is a great way to retain one’s virginity!
5. An entire aisle of chocolate. And a bizarre assortment of chocolate-covered food items!!!

Want to find out more about Annie and her grocery store antics? Pitch in $5 for good karma and the chance to read this novel when it’s ready! $10 gets you a sweet hand-written thank you note. For $25 you can receive an even sweeter hand-crafted bookmark! Want to be even more involved? You can donate $50 for a personal thanks in the actual novel, or $100 to get a character named after you!

Day 2: Crowdfunding for Writing Seminar! (Why the fuck not?)

April 2

Maybe it was a mistake to launch my inaugural crowd-funding efforts yesterday, on April 1 (oopsies, now no one will ever take me seriously). But as it turns out, the timing was just right. I was in the “mood”. You know the one. Yes, that one. That “Why The Fuck Not?” sort of attitude when you are sick of hearing your sorry self talk inside your head about the endless opportunities you fail to reach out for.  Well not this time, sucker (she says to herself, which happens a lot, and then wonders do other writers live deeply inside their own thoughts in this way?).

And so, lo and behold, a crowd-funding campaign is born for “Fiction Novel Writing Seminar with Tod Goldberg.” What the wahhht, you say? It’s exactly as it sounds. A chance to have my novel in progress given new life with some additional guidance, support, feedback, and time it deserves.

What is the big deal? This seminar is by a local writer who I became familiar with when he visited my “Satire and Irony” class, he’s a friend of this incredible writing teacher who has continued to inspire me to this day. And so, when Stephanie Hammer tells me someone is amazing and invites them to speak to her class, you better know she’s not lying. She turned me onto Aimee Bender, who not only shares my NAME (Whhhaaatt???? Yes, we’re part of an elite Aimee club) but I drool over her work and it makes me feel like, “Wow, I can still be weird even when I’m all grown up and supposed to be a (making a very grave expression) serious writer”. Yea, like that. Ahhh, refreshing. For me that feeling was (like totally) better than any other feeling in the (whole wide wide) world (yes, I just fangirled out for AB, and I gotta give a shout out to my other inspirational wonder woman Goldberry Long who’s right in there too in continuing to inspire me to keep being a writer and to show me that yes, moms with littles CAN be writers too!). So yes, Stephanie just published her  new novel and Aimee wrote a blurb for her, and Tod wrote a blurb for her and all I could think was “Omgee Omgee maybe someday they will all write blurbs for ME!!!” (you too, Goldberry, wink wink, pretty pretty please with sugar on top, and whipped cream, and a cherry!).

To summarize, it was an oddly optimistic day when I just said “Why the fuck not?” I want to go to this writing seminar and get this novel all the way out! Out I say! And off to IndieGogo and social media I went! (And then, hour by hour, it set in: the incredible dread of self-doubt and fear and anxiety that this might actually work or not work, ahhhh! It’s all too much! In a good way!)

If you’ve enjoyed any of this craziness I call writing, check out my IndieGogo page and consider donating or sharing just for kicks (and good karma)! YOU could be the proud recipient of a hand-crafted bookmark, or I’ll even name a character in my novel after YOU! For reals!

*And sorry to those I may have offended with the F-word. I’m a mom, so I rarely get to cuss, and I just really like to cuss when I’m really excited and/or nervous! It just feels right sometimes, you know?