Tag Archives: 30 days

Day 10: Crowdfunding highs and lows (mostly lows)…

April 10

Well if my upcoming birthday isn’t depressing enough (really, I used to get excited for this, not so much anymore), now my crowdfunding efforts to support my attendance at the May 2-3 fiction writing seminar is not catching much action. I am so grateful for my 3 funders, and yet I feel deflated that not more peeps are supporting me. Should I be surprised? I guess not. Am I allowed to be a tiny bit bummed? Okay, a little.

Honestly, I hate pitching myself (but give me a fictional character and I’ll talk your freakin’ ear off, seriously, I won’t shut up and your ear will fall off, but it will be artistic and inspiring as it happens). I don’t want to be a salesperson, I don’t want to have to promote myself and tell people I’m worth it, that’s just not me. But, it is my job to continue to develop as a writer and if I don’t promote myself who will?

So I’m going for it, but it’s (omgee, omgeee) scary. I kind of love-hate it. It’s like asking out a boy at school, you know what I’m talking about…the handwritten note folded up and passed from friend to friend all the way over to the kid across the room who you don’t know if he’s been making eyes at you or the girl behind you and you’re risking it all on this one small effort, this one attempt to be confident and bold and daring!!!!

And then he opens it, the handwritten note that says “I like you. Do you like me back? Circle yes or no.”

And he looks around. Notices you noticing him. Everyone is waiting to find out what he’s going to do. He doesn’t do anything. He just crumples it up and throws it in the trash can in the corner. It bounces off and the teacher goes and picks it up. Un-crumples it. Reads it (gulp) aloud in front of the class.

“Well?” she asks. We look at her, not sure what to do. None of us.

“It’s very rude to leave a question unanswered” she says.

“It was her!” that bitch points at me, you know the one I’m talking about. The girl who always tattles on everybody. Yea, the one with the curly hair and strappy shoes. You know her.

And so, there I go marching up to the front of the class to write on the board that I am a loser (not in so many words, but I was used to getting busted for passing notes so I already knew what I had to write)…”I will not pass notes”.

“Oh no, you’re not getting away that easy this time,” she says, yanking the chalk from my hand.

The class follows up with their typical, “Oooohhhhh.”

“You are going to write a fifty page report examining how your distractions adversely affect other students in this classroom.”

And there you have it. How I began my writing career.

And that is also how random blog posts are born. (Shh, don’t tell the kids!)

Want to help me get high again? (Oh stop, you know what I mean!!! LOOK at the blog post title!) Check out my crowdfunding page for Novel Writing Seminar with Tod Goldberg and chip in, if you feel so inclined (see, I’m terrible at this whole self-promotion, sales stuff…also why I will never receive all the reimbursements from the kids soccer team for the banner I ordered, I just hate asking people for money).

Day 2: Crowdfunding for Writing Seminar! (Why the fuck not?)

April 2

Maybe it was a mistake to launch my inaugural crowd-funding efforts yesterday, on April 1 (oopsies, now no one will ever take me seriously). But as it turns out, the timing was just right. I was in the “mood”. You know the one. Yes, that one. That “Why The Fuck Not?” sort of attitude when you are sick of hearing your sorry self talk inside your head about the endless opportunities you fail to reach out for.  Well not this time, sucker (she says to herself, which happens a lot, and then wonders do other writers live deeply inside their own thoughts in this way?).

And so, lo and behold, a crowd-funding campaign is born for “Fiction Novel Writing Seminar with Tod Goldberg.” What the wahhht, you say? It’s exactly as it sounds. A chance to have my novel in progress given new life with some additional guidance, support, feedback, and time it deserves.

What is the big deal? This seminar is by a local writer who I became familiar with when he visited my “Satire and Irony” class, he’s a friend of this incredible writing teacher who has continued to inspire me to this day. And so, when Stephanie Hammer tells me someone is amazing and invites them to speak to her class, you better know she’s not lying. She turned me onto Aimee Bender, who not only shares my NAME (Whhhaaatt???? Yes, we’re part of an elite Aimee club) but I drool over her work and it makes me feel like, “Wow, I can still be weird even when I’m all grown up and supposed to be a (making a very grave expression) serious writer”. Yea, like that. Ahhh, refreshing. For me that feeling was (like totally) better than any other feeling in the (whole wide wide) world (yes, I just fangirled out for AB, and I gotta give a shout out to my other inspirational wonder woman Goldberry Long who’s right in there too in continuing to inspire me to keep being a writer and to show me that yes, moms with littles CAN be writers too!). So yes, Stephanie just published her  new novel and Aimee wrote a blurb for her, and Tod wrote a blurb for her and all I could think was “Omgee Omgee maybe someday they will all write blurbs for ME!!!” (you too, Goldberry, wink wink, pretty pretty please with sugar on top, and whipped cream, and a cherry!).

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To summarize, it was an oddly optimistic day when I just said “Why the fuck not?” I want to go to this writing seminar and get this novel all the way out! Out I say! And off to IndieGogo and social media I went! (And then, hour by hour, it set in: the incredible dread of self-doubt and fear and anxiety that this might actually work or not work, ahhhh! It’s all too much! In a good way!)

If you’ve enjoyed any of this craziness I call writing, check out my IndieGogo page and consider donating or sharing just for kicks (and good karma)! YOU could be the proud recipient of a hand-crafted bookmark, or I’ll even name a character in my novel after YOU! For reals!

*And sorry to those I may have offended with the F-word. I’m a mom, so I rarely get to cuss, and I just really like to cuss when I’m really excited and/or nervous! It just feels right sometimes, you know?

Preparing for the No-Makeup Challenge

Sunday, Sept. 8Image

Okay, I’m gearing up for this challenge, and it’s something I’ve always wanted to do, but never had the guts to do it fully. Yes, I’ve gone a day here or a day there sans makeup (like when I was in the hospital having a baby, or when I’ve been struck down with the flu), but there really haven’t been all that many times when I’ve braved the great big world looking like…well, me!

I love makeup, I do! I love how it makes me look and feel. But sometimes I feel so trapped by this routine, and this way of thinking. That, without my makeup, I look horrible. That, without makeup, people won’t like me. Without makeup, I feel too self-conscious. But, with two daughters, I want to show them (and myself) that as much as I love my makeup, I don’t actually need it to feel beautiful.

This is not going to be easy. I may cry. I may not leave my house. Where I used to walk my kids to their classrooms and enjoy the chit chat of fellow moms, I may just drop them off at the curb and drive home in my large sunglasses and baseball cap and hide out with my 8 month old daughter inside all day. But, the fun part will be to see how I feel when faced with this challenge, and if anything changes over the course of the month.

Yes, I’m going to go a full month with no makeup! Well, that’s the plan, at least. I will try not to chicken out.

What else brought this on? Well, like many families, our income is a bit of a rollercoaster. Some months I’m out getting my hair done, and buying new clothes, buying new pots and pans, living carefree. Other months, I’m making my family hate pasta because that’s all I’ve cooked all week. Going to the store to just buy milk. Seriously. Just milk. Not milk plus a hundred other things we “need”. So, as my department store makeup supply is running low, and it’s too painful to go shell out the cash that it would take to re-up on everything I “need”, I’ve decided to take a little break from it.

What do I need? Well, there’s the face wash that removes the makeup ($19.50), the toner to remove anything the wash leaves behind ($22.50), the face lotion ($25), the face serum that is supposed to smooth out complexion ($76), eyeliner ($16), mascara ($16)…yea that’s about it for now. Wait, I’ve been out of eye cream ($50) for months too! And yes, not all of this is “makeup” persay, it’s “skincare”, but still, you get the drift. This doesn’t include the makeup I haven’t run out of: concealer/foundation ($33), powder ($23), face wash that you use after you use the face wash that takes off the makeup ($16.50), eyeshadow ($20), and blush ($21). And the brand I buy isn’t expensive by department store standards, but still, I’d be looking at roughly…$175 for the stuff I need now, and $338.50 (not including tax).

Um, that’s kind of a lot, isn’t it? So, today is the last day that I will look “decent”, according to my own standards, and those which I feel society has programmed me to believe in by watching shows like TLC’s What Not to Wear and the other make-over shows out there that convince us that our worth lies in how we look.

I am in no way saying I will never wear make-up ever again, or that every woman who chooses to wear makeup should feel ashamed of herself, or that women who choose not to wear makeup should be hiding out under big sunglasses and hats. But this is an experiment for myself that I wanted to share with whoever cares to read along. What do I hope to accomplish by doing this? Well, saving money for one, and more importantly, I would like to see if my perspective on beauty (first and foremost my own) changes as I get used to looking at myself without the layers of makeup (my security blanket) and even when this is over and I go back to my old self, wearing makeup daily whether or not I leave the house, I would like to be more accepting of myself sans makeup and not feel afraid to let myself be seen au natural, instead of letting that idea invoke a sense of fear and panic inside.