Tag Archives: UCR Palm Desert

Day 24: Only ONE SPOT LEFT!!!

Screen Shot 2015-04-24 at 10.44.42 AMApril 24

Oh NOOOOO!!!!! I have ONE MORE WEEK to raise my funds, but there’s ONLY ONE SPOT LEFT!

Will I make it??? Gosh I hope so! I’m trying to keep my sunshiney optimism but it’s looking more and more like this whole crowdfunding for writing thing is NOT going to be a success this time around…awwww poop!!!!

I’m not giving up, just feeling the pressure that I HAVE to find a way to make this work!!!!!

What MORE can I do???

-Blog!

-Promote on Facebook and Twitter!

-Have a garage sale?

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Day 15: Halfway to either success or failure…

April 15

Success or failure: why does it have to be one or the other? Why do I have to either succeed OR fail? Can’t I still succeed even if my crowdfunding fails? Or is crowdfunding a failure if you don’t reach your goal? Or is the fact that ANYONE, even if only just one measly (sorry, no offense) person donated, is THAT enough to say “FUCK YEA, I ROCK, SOMEONE BELIEVES IN ME!!!!”????!!!! 

Everyone should get a pair of gold shoes, they make you feel like YOU'RE FUCKING AMAZING!!!!
Everyone should get a pair of gold shoes, they make you feel like YOU’RE FUCKING AMAZING!!!!

Well it’s Day 15, I’m still at 105 buckaroos and I need (yucky math) 600 and some odd dollars to reach my goal…so I feel both happy and fucking miserable. (Head in hands) “Count your blessings” I say to myself in the mirror, even though I look at my face and don’t recognize it.

“Do you ever feel like you look at yourself in the mirror and instead of seeing yourself as you are now, you see yourself as you will look in another 10 years?” I posed this question to a person very close to me who reacted as if he has never even looked at himself in the mirror period, and I admit I felt very narcissistic and vain in admitting my thoughts, and then very weird in the fact that after further explanation this discussion ended unsatisfactorily (oh shit, is that a word? Well autocorrect didn’t call it out, so I’m going with it!).

Oh Hell! Yep that's me! (aging by the minute...)
Oh Hell! Yep that’s me! (Look away children, you can’t un-see this! And yes it will happen to you too someday, eeks!)

I feel like maybe that imagined mirror image of myself (yes, I had to explain that it was the way I imagined I would look in 10 years, because no I don’t have some special power or magic mirror that shows my actual older self, wouldn’t that be cruel? Very [what’s his name] Dorian Gray-ish, no?) is some kind of sign of my insanity. I mean, really, apparently no one else has these kinds of horrifying visions.

Eeks!

So next question is this: am I the good crazy or the bad crazy? But yet again, does it have to be one OR the other??? Can’t I be a little of both? (Characters are supposed to be a little of both, right? Likable and hatable? [wow, why do those words look SO wrong?!? “likable and hatable” that CANNOT be right, right???] Well is that okay for a real person too???)

As it stands, at least I have (almost) enough donations to be able to submit an essay to the cray-cray writing contest that’s giving away a freakin’ Bed-and-Breakfast mansion house in Maine?!?! Or I could submit my poems and short stories to a few contests, or maybe even (dun dun dunnnnnnn) a chapbook contest??? Wow! So many possibilities! I could also save it and keep stashing bits of cash aside so that in the Fall I can attend the next Fiction Writing Seminar with Tod Goldberg, where we will both probably look 10 years older after a long hot summer in So Cal…in Palm Desert no less! Can you say triple digits?!?!

And my birthday is in 3 days, so there’s that. I will be a year older, technically speaking. Come on, help me make 33 the best year yet (It’s like number alliteration, whaaat???)! I have SO much creative energy just waiting to explode all over your face! (Okay, sorry, that was too much and could be misinterpreted in many various ways.) I’ll just pass you a hankie (you know “handkerchief” which is suuuuuch a weird word to type out or even say aloud because, well, who uses those anymore???) to wipe my creative juices off your brow. Ew. Okay, this just keeps getting weirder so I’m just gonna stop there and ask you to disregard this last paragraph as I tend to really lose it near the end of my blog posts (blushing and staring in the mirror to make sure nothing has actually exploded all over my face).

Day 2: Crowdfunding for Writing Seminar! (Why the fuck not?)

April 2

Maybe it was a mistake to launch my inaugural crowd-funding efforts yesterday, on April 1 (oopsies, now no one will ever take me seriously). But as it turns out, the timing was just right. I was in the “mood”. You know the one. Yes, that one. That “Why The Fuck Not?” sort of attitude when you are sick of hearing your sorry self talk inside your head about the endless opportunities you fail to reach out for.  Well not this time, sucker (she says to herself, which happens a lot, and then wonders do other writers live deeply inside their own thoughts in this way?).

And so, lo and behold, a crowd-funding campaign is born for “Fiction Novel Writing Seminar with Tod Goldberg.” What the wahhht, you say? It’s exactly as it sounds. A chance to have my novel in progress given new life with some additional guidance, support, feedback, and time it deserves.

What is the big deal? This seminar is by a local writer who I became familiar with when he visited my “Satire and Irony” class, he’s a friend of this incredible writing teacher who has continued to inspire me to this day. And so, when Stephanie Hammer tells me someone is amazing and invites them to speak to her class, you better know she’s not lying. She turned me onto Aimee Bender, who not only shares my NAME (Whhhaaatt???? Yes, we’re part of an elite Aimee club) but I drool over her work and it makes me feel like, “Wow, I can still be weird even when I’m all grown up and supposed to be a (making a very grave expression) serious writer”. Yea, like that. Ahhh, refreshing. For me that feeling was (like totally) better than any other feeling in the (whole wide wide) world (yes, I just fangirled out for AB, and I gotta give a shout out to my other inspirational wonder woman Goldberry Long who’s right in there too in continuing to inspire me to keep being a writer and to show me that yes, moms with littles CAN be writers too!). So yes, Stephanie just published her  new novel and Aimee wrote a blurb for her, and Tod wrote a blurb for her and all I could think was “Omgee Omgee maybe someday they will all write blurbs for ME!!!” (you too, Goldberry, wink wink, pretty pretty please with sugar on top, and whipped cream, and a cherry!).

Screen Shot 2015-04-02 at 9.57.52 PM

To summarize, it was an oddly optimistic day when I just said “Why the fuck not?” I want to go to this writing seminar and get this novel all the way out! Out I say! And off to IndieGogo and social media I went! (And then, hour by hour, it set in: the incredible dread of self-doubt and fear and anxiety that this might actually work or not work, ahhhh! It’s all too much! In a good way!)

If you’ve enjoyed any of this craziness I call writing, check out my IndieGogo page and consider donating or sharing just for kicks (and good karma)! YOU could be the proud recipient of a hand-crafted bookmark, or I’ll even name a character in my novel after YOU! For reals!

*And sorry to those I may have offended with the F-word. I’m a mom, so I rarely get to cuss, and I just really like to cuss when I’m really excited and/or nervous! It just feels right sometimes, you know?