Day 30: Don’t Send in the Clowns

Thursday, Oct.10

Aimee EdgeworthAnd then it was the end. The self-imposed (cruel, unusual, terrifying, depressing, blah blah blah) 30 Day No-Makeup Challenge is officially OVER (sound the trumpets, ignite the fireworks, send in the clowns (no, wait, cancel the clowns, no clowns, please, no clowns))!

And lo and behold…I survived. I made it through the final day with the smug grin of knowing that it was my last day of “looking ugly” (my words, spoken to fellow mom during school drop-offs). And so, today (which is actually Friday, which is actually Day 31 if you want to be all technical and stuff) I woke up knowing I would be able to once again indulge in my self-gratifying routine of foundation, powder, blush, eyeliner, eyeshadow, and mascara!

And, believe it or not, for a moment I hesitated. I felt like (only for a nanosecond mind you) maybe I didn’t really need or want makeup even though the 30 day sentence was up. I was free. And maybe inmates experience the same thing when they get released from jail…they stand there for a moment just wondering if freedom was what they really wanted (cue Taystee from Orange is the New Black).

I guess I was so obsessed with ending this experiment that I didn’t realize I would miss it. I miss having an excuse for not wearing makeup. I miss those extra ten minutes of hiding under the covers until I absolutely, positively had to get out of bed. And let me tell you, the baby was not too happy about my reinstating the morning makeup routine, either. She screamed (literally) the whole time I applied my makeup, and tried like the devil to climb out of her exersaucer (for those of you unfamiliar with this, it is a little seat in the middle of a giant donut of boring but brightly colored baby toys).

I’m not as smooth as I used to be (30 days ago), my eyeshadow was looking a little cray cray (crazy) and I tried to sharpen my brown eyeliner only to realize the nub that it had become was useless, and so I used my backup liner (a black sparkly one that came free in one of those “gift with purchase” kits that I LOVE so much and is part of why I buy my moderately expensive department store makeup). Black is not the best, the sparkles are subtle but look a little blue, and once again, my skill in this area had surprisingly dwindled.

But nonetheless…I did it! I put on that “fresh” face and threw on a decent outfit and marched off to the kids’ school with confidence. I knew for sure that EVERYONE would notice how much better, how much more alive I looked. And?

Well, no one really did. One mom noticed my hair (I dyed it brown a week ago). But that was it! My husband couldn’t stop staring at me (even though he told me endlessly how much I didn’t need makeup) because he said I looked that good (insert blushing face here). But other than that, I guess I did this all for me! Moi! Mi (okay, that’s the extent of my foreign language knowledge for “me” and my spanish may be totally wrong in this context, yo no say)!

I’ve come to the realization (call it painful, call it blatantly obvious, call it stupid, call it whatever you want!) that I really don’t need makeup the way I thought I did (cue the “I told you so”’s). I guess I really do just wear it for my own insecurities and vanity. And I don’t really care anymore if that’s too superficial. I want to feel good about myself, whether or not anyone else thinks I should or shouldn’t. And, while I am certainly happy to wear makeup once again and look “pretty”, I don’t think I’m going to be as crazy obsessive compulsive about wearing it EVERY day.

Words to live by: everything in moderation (except shopping, please don’t say I have to moderate my shopping! I mean, when stuff goes on Clearance at Target, I HAVE to buy it all, right? I mean, that doesn’t count as excess, RIGHT?)

Amen to that (or hallelujah, or shalom, or namaste…okay, that’s all I got folks)!

Thanks for following along on my “journey” of self-discovery, and check up on me soon for my next 30 day challenge…NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) where I will join millions (thousands?) of other writers (okay I looked it up, the tally so far is 74,875 novelists)who dedicate the month of November to writing 50,000 words. And after that will be my Guitar Challenge, where I will try to (finally) play the song “Flowers in December” by Mazzy Star.

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