Day 29: Rain, Christmas Music, and Depression

Wednesday, Oct. 9

Sad Santa

My adventure (if you can call it that) is coming to a close as I approach the 30th day of going makeup free! I want to scream from the rooftops (although not today because it’s raining) that I did it! I did it! And I DO feel proud, but also sad (insert thumbs up, followed by a crying emoji, followed by a confused emoji…you know, the one with the eyebrows squished together and eyes looking up).

Why?

Because I know that my vanity still has the best of me and I will go back to wearing makeup. And the sadness comes from feeling like this experiment didn’t really do anything if, at the end, I go back to my former habits. And I’m sad that I’m not wearing makeup because as much as I’ve tried to fight the urges, I just can’t. I just LOVE wearing makeup (too much).

But I’m also happy.

Why?

Because (hello!) I get to wear makeup again (crowds cheering) after tomorrow! I get to do what I like to do, and that just so happens to be getting all prettied up and going out in public with confidence in my appearance. Is that so wrong (a question 

I’ve had my highs and lows, and maybe it has something to do with the weather (remember, I already told you it’s raining) that’s making me feel down. Maybe it’s the cycle of complexion issues I’ve been going through (and seem to always be going through). Maybe it’s the approaching holidays that already have me feeling stressed (how can Target play Christmas music BEFORE it’s even Halloween? Seriously?!?).I’ve been trying to answer this whole time)?

But I am SO looking forward to doing what I do best…lookin’ good (okay, that sounded SO cocky, which is SO not me, but may be my alter ego. maybe.). But really, I just want to use the tools that are available to me to look my best. And feel my best. And I shouldn’t feel guilty about it or feel like I have to weigh in on one side or the other of the great makeup battle (as if I have to choose sides: makeup or no makeup?).

I think the biggest thing I can share about this is that it’s NOT NECESSARY for anyone to wear makeup. That really, no one cares but you (me). The important thing is to be comfortable and confident in your decisions to express yourself. And THAT, my friends, is what I’m taking away from this (horrible) experiment.

I get (but don’t fully understand) that other people don’t see all my “flaws” the way I do (with 20/20 vision and impeccable scrutiny). And I am more appreciative of my “natural” beauty (even if I cringe while typing that because I don’t know if I will ever fully believe). But (que the rain) when it rains and the clouds are a-brewin’, and Christmas music is a-playin’, there’s nothing quite like a hot cup of coffee and hiding out inside with sweatpants and fuzzy slippers and not a lick of makeup needed to enjoy that.

So, at long last (almost, there’s still one day left!) I realize there is an appropriate time and place for everything, and makeup is no exception. At the end of the day (well, technically it would be the beginning of the day because that’s when I would apply my makeup, but so goes the expression) I can and shall wear makeup when and if I see fit. Be it every day, only on special occasions, never again, or any time I’m out of the house (including the gym, don’t judge (and yea, like I have time for the gym anymore anyways, hahaha) (and yea, those were two sets of parentheses inside one set of parentheses, so what?)).

If the cure for (my) depression is wearing makeup, then I say (in an authoritative and Santa-like voice) SO BE IT! I say DO IT! I say IT’S BETTER THAN DRUGS (not to knock the people who choose to use medication for their depression)!

Maybe that would have been a better blog title: Makeup: Hey, at least it’s not drugs! Because we all have our addictions, and I can think of a million other things (okay, not really a million, but you know me, I have to be dramatic) that are WAY worse than being a serial makeup wearer. So there (sticking out tongue)!

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