Day 5: 20/20 Vision

Sunday, Sept 15

Well I survived my “dinner party” (does anyone still use that term or does it suddenly feel very 1950s up in here?). And guess what? My friend showed up naked! Wait, wait, wait. Don’t get too excited! I mean naked as in bare-faced. No makeup. What did you think I was talking about? This wasn’t a 1970s dinner party/key party or whatever they called it back then!

Yes, my dear friend chose to support me in my time of need by joining me in the no makeup club. And guess what else? She looked absolutely fabulous! And, she shared with me that, even though I thought she looked amazing, she felt self-conscious about it in the same ways I did.

So, I’m not alone. Which is good and bad. Because who can argue that you don’t want to feel like you are the only freak with issues? But the sad thing is, I’m not the only freak with issues. As in, there are way too many other women out there who feel compelled to wear makeup because they don’t like the way they look without it (even though everyone else would probably tell them they look great!).

And then I thought of something else as I squinted to read the guide on the TV screen to set up a show for the kids (yes, I know, but the only shot we adults had of being able to have a conversation was to put the babysitter to work, and by babysitter I mean the TV). It hit me: Why do I have such horrible vision when it comes to reading (as in I need my reading glasses to appreciate a good novel), but yet when I look in the mirror it’s like I have magnifying glasses for eyeballs?

I see EVERYTHING!

Every detail on my face that prevents it from being flawless. Of course, is flawless skin really any kind of reality or is it just the effect of airbrushing and makeup in advertisements that have been brainwashing us our whole lives? I mean, we all have freckles, right? At least one? Some kind of scar? A blemish? A wrinkle (or two or three or, wait, I really don’t want to count all my wrinkles or this will get really depressing real fast)?

My friend told me of someone who took down all the mirrors in her house for a year. A year! Wow. I don’t know if I’m that committed to being less superficial (insert frightened face emoji here). So, what is my solution to the cruel mirror that I just can’t help but look at and wonder who that disgusting face looking back at me is? I just make my eyes squinty, and then look at myself and see a fuzzy image of myself, sort of the way they edit Barbara Walters when she reappears on 20/20 for a special report, softening the lights and giving her a sort of angelic glow.

I don’t want to get rid of my mirrors for many reasons. But when it comes down to it, I think the main reason is that I want to see what I look like, and part of my self-imposed challenge is to learn to like how I look. Now what kind of challenge would it be if I were to just carry on about my life and be oblivious to how awful I look without makeup?

No pain, no gain. Right?

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